Archive for the ‘remakes’ Category
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
December 7th, 2009 | 
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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The 2003 version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre adheres to the pure and simple slasher movie formula: Introduce a gaggle of sexy young people, make vague gestures to distinguish them–Jessica Biel (Summer Catch) wants to get married and doesn’t like pot, so she’s our moral compass–then start hacking them to pieces one by one. The visual palette includes grimy crucified dolls, fly-specked pig carcasses, body parts floating in murky jars, a tobacco-chewing redneck sheriff, and many slender beams of sunlight cutting through dank, dusty interiors. The camera lovingly photographs Biel’s tank-topped bosom and sculpted abs as she’s running in terror from a bloated, chainsaw-wielding, human-skin-wearing maniac. This remake lacks the macabre comedy of the original; it’s all about the nauseating sensation of waiting for something to jump out of the dark. Also featuring Eric Balfour (Six Feet Under) and R. Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket, Mail Call). –Bret Fetzer
Posted in Blu-Ray, decapitations, Jessica Biel, Leatherface, psychopath, remakes, slasher, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, torture | 
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My Bloody Valentine 3D
My Bloody Valentine 3D
Though never a landmark in the slasher subgenre, the Canadian-made My Bloody Valentine (1981) was a favorite among gorehounds for its plentiful scenes of bloodshed; the 2009 remake sticks closely to the original in this respect, and ups the gross factor by rendering many of them in impressive 3-D. The core plot, penned by Todd Farmer and Zane Smith, remains essentially the same–a series of gruesome murders appears to be linked to a terrible mine accident from two decades ago–but just as with the original, it’s largely just a framework on which to string the carnage set pieces, which are splattery enough to please even the most jaded Saw or Hostel fanatic. The Real-D effects deliver the required degree of heart-stopping jumps without the usual eye strain, and if one can snicker away old standbys like a tree branch crashing through a windshield, one has to admire the chutzpah of presenting actress Betsey Rue’s pursuit of a wayward bed partner while fully naked and toting a shotgun in full and vibrant 3-D, moments before the pickaxe-wielding killer descends upon her. Rue’s scenery-chewing performance is the best of the twenty-something cast, which is led by Supernatural‘s Jensen Ackles and Jaime King; character actors Kevin Tighe and Tom Atkins deliver their moments like the old pros they are. Though by no means a new horror classic, My Bloody Valentine 3-D sets the gross-out bar for all future slasher remakes to surpass. – Paul Gaita